Fetishes are kinda funny...

While innocently perusing the Craigslist Men4Men ads last night, I came across the following ad:

"Nice guy here with a bizarre fetish. I am interested in wamming, otherwise known as pies in the face. Don't ask me where it came from, maybe I watched one too many 3 Stooges short as a child, but I've been interested in it for a long time and it is a legitimate fetish. It can also encompass other food play, whipped cream, etc. I am looking for a guy, any age/race/etc. interested in trying this out, either trading pies in the face or simply shoving some in my face, followed by jerking off. The pies can be as simple as spraying some whipped cream on a plate or a real cream pie homemade or from a bakery. The type doesn't matter as much as the stickiness and messiness."

The Dub laughed for an hour about this because I kept thinking of new things that cracked me up about it.

1. If I bake a fucking pie, I'll be damned if I am wasting it on some Three Stooges fetish. I am eating some damned pie!

2. Ugh, I don't like the cleanup after REGULAR sex!

3. Remember that "Brady Bunch" episode where they introduced cousin Oliver and thought he was a jinx and they all end up in a giant pie fight at (I believe) a movie studio? Is that masturbatory material for this guy?



4. When he saw "American Pie" was he disgusted by the poor disgraced pie?

5. Are those tiny individual pies like illegal kiddy porn to him?

6. Are fetishes passed down from parents? If so, what is Thanksgiving like in this family?

Enjoy your weekend...I hope everyone has a nice big slice of pie and thinks of our friend "Wammy".

Hugs,
Dubbie

Fighting Mr. T will mess you up!!

DOH!! I was watching a "Family Guy" episode last night that had a reference to Rocky as an old man and I thought "I should google Sly and see how he's looking these days."

The answer:

Like Bea Arthur's fraternal twin. Yikes!!

You may be doing it wrong...

A coworker and I found this on a computer box from CDW and it made us laugh. As Ouiser says in "Steel Magnolias", "a dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste".

Apparently the Pope is a distant relative of Bush?

Doesn't it sound like the kind of dumb-ass comment that GW would make?

"Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached."

Ah, the openness of the Catholic church! We homos love it!

But the Pope has now said he is "deeply sorry" for the reaction to his statements. Well, DUH!! Muslims are chanting for your death and burning your effigy! Of course you're sorry for that reaction. You poked a tiger with a stick...and you're surprised when he carries you offstage by the neck??

Dubbie is off to celebrate his status as a happy agnostic! Have a great Monday!

Dubbie Rebels!

I think I'm a rebel. Yesterday I received two emails from friends warning me to avoid spinach because of an E. Coli outbreak. All it did was make me crave some spinach, so I'm sitting in front of the television watching "Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic" and eating some chips with spinach dip. If I die, know that I was enjoying a little comedy and some Diet Mountain Dew and wasn't entirely alone because a cat is cuddling with me. I'm happy and content. God bless the killer spinach dip. In lieu of flowers, send donations to my theater company.

Oh, my poor misguided gay brethren...

So, look, I know I fail MISERABLY at any attempt to be cool. I've come to terms with that long ago. I'm a 36 year old single fat gay man. I'm a spinster, an old maid, whatever.

But I admit it! And I embrace it!

My youth is gone and I can't make a cute Puma zip-up and tight Seven for All Mankind jeans work. Hell, I never could, but that isn't my point. My beloved gay 40-somethings, YOU CAN'T MAKE IT WORK EITHER. No matter how much you spend on jeans, you can't buy back your twink-dom. It is over. Repeat after me...I am not 25 and it is okay to leave the "Young Men's" department.

This is why Dubbie can't find a man...all the homos of a certain age are spending their time chasing the young'uns.

I don't think you understand all the good things that a 36 year old single fat gay man can offer you...

1. A sense of humor influenced by The Simpsons rather than Spongebob.

2. Um, he's fat...he can probably cook! (To my friends: SHUT UP...maybe someone will believe it!!)

3. You don't have to spend 30 hours a week at the gym to keep up with him at Roscoe's. (he doesn't even LIKE Roscoe's!)

4. You can shop at Kohl's instead of Abercrombie & Bitch...he doesn't care what you spent on your pants!

Think about it, gentlemen. When that boy behind the counter at Starbucks called you "Sir", you officially didn't have a chance anymore.

This has been another "Please Date Me" PSA.

-Dubbie

Dubbie's Movie Review Corner

DROP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO SEE THIS RIGHT NOW!!!!



And, for God's sake, avoid this hideous piece of crap!



Apparently the editor got bored with the film (totally understandable!) and just said "Fuck it, just leave it at over 2 hours!" Bob Hoskins is really brilliant, Lois Smith is very interesting, and Diane Lane is okay (though her "put on" 40's starlet affectation gets old, especially in more intimate scenes when she could have let her guard down a bit). Pretty much everyone else sucked. I am a big Adrien Brody fan and was very disappointed in this.

Instead of seeing HOLLYWOODLAND, go see LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE twice!! Brilliant and hilarious. HOLLYWOODLAND is neither!

Thus concludes Dubbie's Movie Review Corner. I'm sure Lisa will have comments because she didn't hate the movie as much as I did.

- Dub Ebert

This seems appropriate today...

Pack my quiver and bow!

It's a musical theatre reference...you'd understand if you were cultured.

And I proved my cultural prowess this weekend by attending the 119th annual Sandwich Fair. The Sandwich Fair is not a place to get a good hoagie, but rather the largest county fair in the state of Illinois (and happens to be held in the town Dub grew up in!!).

I haven't been to the fair in a couple years so I thought I'd venture out with my mom to see some livestock and enjoy some food on sticks! I encountered some interesting sights and luckily had my camera with me...

Mom and I decided that we couldn't pass up the booth offering chocolate-covered strawberries. We shelled out our $4 each and rather just a bowl of chocolatey and fruity goodness, we got THIS!! VULGAR BUT DELICIOUS!!!



We then meandered through some "Commercial Display" buildings. That there is some fancy-talk fer "people trying to sell shit". I'm not entirely sure what they were selling here, but I was intrigued immediately!!



After wandering around for a couple hours, we needed a break and were thrilled to find yet another reason to LOVE CHEESE (like we needed another reason!)...



It was a nice day and some quality time with the mom, which we don't have as much time for these days.

So, Saturday was a nice day. Stay tuned for my blog about Sunday and the travesty that was "Hollywoodland"!

Happy Monday.
Dubbie

It's gonna be...

...the BEST...OSCAR PARTY...EVER!!!!!!!



Dub loves Ellen...and he hosts a mighty glittery and gay Oscar party. This year...GAYEST EVER!!!!!!!

Dubbie Mourns...

It was sad news indeed this weekend that Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, passed away. He will killed by a stingray who stung him in the chest while filming a special in Queensland, Australia. He and his wife Terri hosted the program The Crocodile Hunter on Animal Planet and ran The Australia Zoo. He was a great environmentalist.

Dubbie will greatly miss Steve! I've been addicted to his show since I first saw it on Animal Planet. His energy and passion for all animals were inspiring and heartwarming. One of the most memorable moments of the show for me was one about whales that had run ashore and were not able to be saved. He cried while telling his audience that there was nothing he or Terri could do for them. He was a pretty amazing guy. He'll be missed and Dub's heart goes out to Terri and their kids.

Goodbye Steve!